Global Warming

Thanks to global warming, my ass gets flossed.

Spandex is a Privilege Not a Right

In response to my last post, Robbie wanted to share an traumatizing experience. Please read. Your vision may depend on it.

Dear readers,

It has come to my attention lately of a public eye sore. I am now wearing an eye patch every day due to a recent visit to the gym. During what should have been an hour of kick butt endorphins and eye candy, I was confronted by a rather large women in spandex shorts and a sports bra. It's not so much the fact that she was working out that was troubling me, in fact, kudos to her for the attempt. What's bothering me is she insisted on back bends in spandex.

Spandex does not make you invisible, it not a super garment. It does not instantly make you go from a size 24 to a size 4. All it has done is compressed the fat and now there are clearly visible cottage cheese dimples. Similar to the little craters on the moon. In fact, I was waiting to see Neil Armstrong bouncing all over her chucky ass. Cottage cheese belongs in the fridge not in the gym.

-Robbie

Lesson learned today. CONSULT, CONSULT, CONSULT. Spandex is made for large innertubes, shiny chairs at the club, car seat covers, and bicycle seats. NOT for everyday wear. And especially not for those with too much junk in the trunk, more than 5% body fat, or if you are unable to see your feet.

Fashion Police

I created this blog yesterday and was intending to actually post something. But found some other things such as cleaning, studying and shopping more important. I guess having a blog is the "cool" thing to do. Along with huffing the air out of whipped cream cans and the fumes of sharpie markers. So, with that said, I promoted myself to a new level of coolness.

Now, with how my day has been today I can't pass up the opportunity to talk about a concern that every American should be aware of. It is the concern of the possibility of you developing ugly looking boobs. Guys, don't stop reading now, just because you are a guy doesn't mean this doesn't apply to you.

Why, why, why would you buy a bra that is too small for you? It's like trying to fit 10 gallons of jello into a 1 pint tubberware container. It is gonna jiggle it's way out of there!
If any of these apply to you, you need a new bra:
1. If your fat rolls over your band.
2. If your boobs are jiggling uncontrolably
3. When you take your bra off, you can see exactly where your bra was because it is imprinted on your skin
4. Your nipples are showing because
a. your cup size is too small
b. your bra isn't thick enough for your nipples
5. Your boobs are resting on:
a. a fat roll
b. your belt

For heaven's sake, drive your butt to Victoria's Secret and they will measure you! FOR FREE!

Oh and for the guys. It is called "the gym." Use it. Chicks dig it.